I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize