i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the day after is always just damage control
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
