and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize