i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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