Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Boobs speak an international language.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
