And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
