thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
