I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
