If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
