You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize