still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
