remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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