i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
