yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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