I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
