Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
