come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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