My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
