im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
