Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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