I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
