I think I won the penis lottery.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize