I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
