You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
