I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
