ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize