you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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