what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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