Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
