She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
