everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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