see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You made out with two different species that night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
