Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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