I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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