Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
