i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize