your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
