I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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