good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
