Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
