I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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