i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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