her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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