Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
