Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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