I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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