Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this will be a night to untag.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
jump out the window naked night went bad
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
