My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
