Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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