I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
