My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
