yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
