He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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