found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
