We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
