I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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