i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
