I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
