But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
