Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
