Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
