Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
