I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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