id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
