I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
